By Shelly Bullard
May 6, 2014 4:38 AM EDT
Want to know the biggest secret about your authentic sex appeal? It's determined by you.
That's right. When you find yourself attractive, luscious, gorgeous and appealing, then others will, too.
But when you don't feel sexy, well … I hate to say it … then others won't see you that way, either. Let me explain why.
One of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships is that we expect another person to make us feel how we don't feel on our own.
For example, you want a man to make you feel sexy (because you don't feel sexy), or you want a woman to make you feel hot (because you don't feel hot). This is exactly the wrong way to go about it!
Until you feel sexy, attractive and appealing as you are, then it's impossible for another person to make you feel this way for an extended period of time. How you feel with others is determined by how youfeel with you.
While there's nothing wrong with wanting to be desired by another person — in fact, it's completely normal and beautiful to feel this way — it's important to understand that how others experience you is 100% related to how you experience yourself.
With that, here are six simple ways for you to connect to your natural, sensual, sexy self. In doing so, you're guaranteed to feel more attractive in your own skin, making you naturally irresistible to those around you.
1. Get dressed up — for yourself!
Let's be honest: many of us dress up for other people. We want to make an impression! But I encourage you to get dressed up solely for yourself.
Wear whatever makes you feel fabulous, and do it often. Feel good in your clothes, your style, and your body. This is the secret to really looking good to others.
2. Eat a decadent meal slowly and enjoy it.
Food is a sensual experience — it's meant to be enjoyed. By taking in the smells, flavors, colors and textures of your food, the experience can become erotic.
Being present to the experience of a good meal awakens your senses to the fullness of life, and you better believe, this makes life feel incredibly sexy.
3. Go on a stroll (just because).
Take a walk, not to get somewhere, but to feel the movement of your body.
There is a natural grace and sensuality that exists when we become aware of what it feels like to be in a body. Through enjoyable movement, you will feel this grace moving through you. And this is highly attractive to others.
4. Seduce yourself by creating a romantic mood.
Many of us believe that the purpose of a mood is to share it with another person. Of course, this is really nice. But have you ever created a mood just for you? It can be just as good (if not better)!
Do whatever feels romantic, sensual, or relaxing, just for you. Light candles, put on soft music, take a bath, or slowly eat a bowl of ice cream. Allow yourself to be turned on by you! Doing so turns you on to life, which is hot to everyone around you.
5. Have a dance party.
Dancing with yourself helps you feel more comfortable in your body. Not to mention it's so fun!
When nobody's watching, you can move the way you want to move without feeling self-conscious. It's incredibly freeing, and it's great practice to be more comfortable in your own skin.
(Want to turn up the heat? Do a striptease for the fun of it! Now we're talkin' hot!)
6. Love your body.
Your body is unique to you, and it's a beautiful thing. It's the only body you've got! You have to love your body if you want others to love it too.
So how do you do this? You start by showering yourself — your skin, your arms, your legs, your shoulders, any part — with love, kindness, acceptance and affection.
I promise you, the more you love your body, the more you'll be able to accept affection and attention from others, too.
You are a sensual, sexy person. By connecting to this energy within yourself, you'll feel it reflected back at you from all around. So go out there and make it happen! I dare you to kick the heat up a notch.